The Road To Inner Healing : Part 1

Setting The Stage:

     I feel like it's time for me to finally write about some of the events I went through in last few years.  A certain measure of healing had to be reached before this could happen. Many people who know me don't even realize what I really went through and I am sure that there is only one other person who really knows why (my very best friend of 28 years).  The events that took place and the healing that resulted is a powerful testimony to the love and goodness of God.  It is finally time to reveal it all and Purely Exposed is the perfect place for that. 

     It has been a year since I've written anything on my blog.  Through the many things that have happened over the last year I literally lost my voice (my ability to express myself) and with that went my ability to write.  Believe it or not, I am an extremely private person.  I tend to have only one or two close friends and I don't always get to the point to where I can share the deep and sometimes dark intimacies of my life.  At the time I was really going through it last year I didn't really have anyone I felt I could confide in and there was so much fear about the emotions I was experiencing. I also had a tremendous amount of anger for the people that I felt had abandon me or for those who were making my life difficult at the moment.  Since I was hospitalized twice in the last year, I didn't dare be open about what I was dealing with after I got out as it may have just landed me in the hospital again and maybe for good this time.  That has always been my biggest fear, to be put away and never to be seen or heard from again.  I have witnessed it happen, I have counseled people that it has happened to, so it is real and it can happen.  But, I am thankful that it didn't. 

     The other day I was thinking about my relationships with people and I really became intrigued by how people communicate with each other.   I noticed that when I was interacting with people that in order to truly communicate we have to make a point to purposely and specifically express what is going on inside us.  No one can know what you have been through unless you tell them.  That may seem obvious, but it wasn't to me at the time.  I, myself, don't talk about the stuff I went through very much.  When I am interacting with people I would much rather take the time to be attentive to that person, to be there in the moment with them and to encourage them with the very limited time I have with them.  That was the second revelation that really hit me hard; we really have so little time with others.  In light of that it got me to thinking that I really needed to write about the events that have taken place in the last few years.  My hope is that in being transparent that this will help others realize that a person can go through something really hard and come out on the other side better than ever. 

     This is a long story.  So, in order to keep it focused and pertinent I am breaking it up in sections.  That way it won't take you much time to read each part, you will have something to look forward to and I can make all the points that I feel are the most important from each event and highlight the lessons I've taken from each.

     To set the stage for my sharing of these experiences it's important to note that I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life.  It all stems, initially I believe, from a difficult and tormented childhood.  I could dwell on that, but actually I chose not to.  After 44 years I realize that dwelling on it doesn't get me anywhere.  This is not to say that I haven't expressed or talked about what happened.  I have done that most of the time and in many different ways.  But, more importantly, it hasn't just been childhood.  I have had traumatic events happen since then.  Most of my adult life has been spent in bad relationships being gravely wounded as a result.  I do think that my childhood trauma set me up for that, but once again, I chose not to dwell on those things.  Also, I have received some inner healing for these things and that makes a huge difference.  If I had to title the account of these events in my life, I would title it "The Road to Inner Healing.

Check in tomorrow for more of this story.

Be blessed, prosperous and FULL of JOY!!!