True Happiness

Part I

Ah (long sigh), if only it were that simple, yes?

Our society is not really a young one, yesterday July 4th 2011 made it 235 years, and since the signing of the declaration there has been a growing trend towards prosperity. The Declaration of Independence states that: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. We were just breaking away from the monarchy in England so I believe that was really relevant for that time. A new form of government, Democracy, and a new economy, Capitalism, was born.

So instead of working and paying the King a bunch of taxes, people were now free to pursue their own lives and dreams. They still had to pay taxes, but the money would go to the government and be used for the betterment of the people instead of in the Kings pocket to do whatever he pleased with all his wealth. That is a scary thought. But, I am sure that this was huge then. So, people went about the task of building capitalism and look how far we have come. It is amazing if you stop and think about it.

So what is this … pursuit of happiness that has us all excited? Have you heard this; “Money can’t buy you happiness”? However, our culture is steeped in images that give us the illusion that wealth and some happiness go hand in hand. A lot of people have sayings such as; “I’d rather be rich and miserable than than poor and happy”.

Truly though, money and the pursuit of wealth has been encouraged in America since the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. There is a document that was penned around that same time called, “The Wealth of Nations” written by Adam Smith. I just recently learned of its existence. I found that to be interesting. I may have heard it in History class, but hey I was a teenager and believe me I wasn’t spending my time thinking about history. I learned of the document by watching a documentary on the History Channel from a series called “The Seven Deadly Sins: Greed”. I looked the document up and looked it over; seriously I am thinking “BORING!!!!” But, I do know this much… it encouraged men to pursue wealth and in doing so build the new capitalistic economy. Due to the highly religious atmosphere at that time, initially the pursuit of wealth was seen in parallel to greed. So, someone had to breach the subject and shed light on the pursuit of wealth. Here is the link if you would really like to read it or parts of it...

Even recently in our culture, the movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness” again tried to parallel wealth with happiness. I suppose that it is necessary to instill some type of drive towards work in people’s minds. Once upon a time we were a primarily agricultural nation, if you didn’t work you just starved to death. They worked hard though. I think I personally would have died from working one day on a farm. I have become so cerebral that I don’t even like mundane tasks. But, back to the point; if you didn’t tend your crops they died, your family would starve and die and that would be the end of everything. There could have possibly been some form of charity then, but I know they didn’t have anything like welfare. Work was what kept you alive.

Since those times our culture has changed so greatly that people can become rich seemingly overnight by perhaps inventing a concept which the public will take hold of and make it a highly desirable, like Face Book. That is the “American Dream”. That a man, like Mark Zuckerburg, or a woman, like Martha Stewart, can become independently wealthy because of the freedom to pursue wealth in our Capitalistic society. I believe that each and every one of us probably has some type of dream, or had some type of dream, that would possibly lead us to independent wealth.
Something important to interject here is that, although the idea of Face Book came in an instant and within a short period of time took off, Mark was prepared for that. He knew a great deal about computers and how to write code. Real success is when preparedness meets opportunity. So, we must have some type of plan and be striving to achieve something before we can take off. As to whether wealth brings true happiness; perhaps we could ask Mark or someone like him.

There is another common occurrence in our society, say winning the lottery or some other type of circumstance that would make us instantly wealthy. That may bring temporary happiness, bliss and such. But, honestly if I won the lottery I would be spending a lot of money and probably end up broke just like a large percentage of all people who receive such winnings. Here is an article about that …

This is what one Psychologist said in that article… "I've not talked to anyone who is just totally enthralled with the winnings that they have and just perfectly happy," said Dr. Steven J. Danish, professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond. It appears that there is somewhat of a conflict here. Our culture and economy is saying, “buy this… or get this job… or here is something else that will make you happy if you have the money to get it” but clearly that concept does not ring true when investigated systematically. The concept of wealth bringing happiness is by its very nature a conflict. Money does not buy or bring true happiness. So, maybe we should define happiness and see if that will shed any light on this situation.
Happiness as defined by Dictionary.com is;

“ hap•pi•ness [hap-ee-nis] –noun
1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.”
Or …
hap•py [hap-ee] –adjective, -pi•er, -pi•est.
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind. (Emphasis mine)
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.

For, our purposes here I would like to focus on the portion of the definition “a happy frame of mind” which would mean that we are in a state of being delighted, pleased, glad, contented, or joyful. That is really what I think about when I think of happiness. It is a life-style.
I have noticed over the years that ‘happiness’ would come to visit me and then sneak off when I wasn’t looking. Suddenly ‘happiness’ was gone and I had a feeling of emptiness which left me pondering; “oh where have you gone, my happiness”? I have also noticed that on many occasions when happiness came to visit he had a wad of cash in hand. Personally, I am really happy when I am shopping. The acquiring of goods is a big one for me. I love things. Always have and always will. Unlike some hoarders, I don’t care what it costs me either. I am not a frugal acquirer of things although at times I can enjoy a great bargain. However, this is really another story for another time though. As an example that is something that makes me happy.

I am sure you all can identify with that. Happiness tends to be a feeling that we have which comes and goes, preluded by events and circumstances. What I want to really relate here is that we are really describing a feeling that is triggered by something outside ourselves which would correspond to the portion of the definition that speaks of good fortune or luck. Certainly I can’t deny that this is a reality of our lives. Certain events happen and we are happy about them.

So how can we become happy or have happiness that lasts longer than an event or a circumstance? How can happiness become a lifestyle without riches? How can we live as a happy person with the man (or woman) of our dreams, the house of our dreams, or a closet full to totally cute shoes?
Tune in tomorrow as I discuss the basis for true happiness.

Part II

I believe (because of experience) it is not wise to base our ‘happiness’ on outside circumstances, that is, those situations and circumstances that come through life. True happiness must come from within you. It is a decision that is made and a frame of mind which is held. It doesn’t come and go, but you get there and you hold onto it. Let me explain.

First of all I would like to make a point. I had a couple of things happen yesterday that tried to shake my happiness. I was really upset about these issues. In the end I made the decision to not give up what I have worked so hard for by allowing these two issues to affect me negatively. I chose to give those things back to the people who tried to give them to me. The old adage, “God, grant me the serenity to change the things I can change, to let go of the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference” is one of the mantra’s of my life that I use over and over again; because it works.

Secondly I would like to tell you a bit of history about my life and what happiness has meant to me. I want to encourage you because I know you can do this. I have made the choice to have happiness or joy not matter what else is going on around me and you most certainly can do the same.

Throughout most of my 43 years, I have battled depression. It started when I was 13 and went unchecked for many years, meaning I had little or no treatment for it. In the last 5 to 6 years I was introduced to motivational literature which has showed me how I can maintain my level of peace and happiness no matter what. Now, I can truly tell you that although I have maintained my peace and joy for the most part, I have also suffered debilitating blows. These blows have caused me to have periods of depression and hopelessness. So, my point here is that I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. But, what is important is that I would like to demonstrate how making a choice to not let a situation or circumstance effect you is REAL and it can be done.

One of the most important and the first real lesson I learned was this, “If you don’t like your life, change your choices.” I read this line after being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and falling into a deep depression for almost 3 years. I was at the book store and in the bargain bin was this little skinny book, called; Treasure: Uncovering Patterns and Principles That Create Prosperity” By Edwin Louis Cole. I still have that book and you should see it. I’ve spilled coffee on it. It’s gotten wet. The pages are yellowing and my highlighter marks have faded. But, it remains a symbol of hope to me so I hang on to it.

I have always been a reader. During those 3 years of depression I must have read 50 romance novels. They did nothing to help me and if anything I was more depressed because I had just been divorced and so many aspects of my life were just laid to waste. I had given up.

So, when I picked up this little book and started to read, my mind came alive again. Those few little words, “if you don’t like your life change your choices” got me to thinking. The biggest revelation I had was; I had to ask myself am I choosing to be sick? Certainly I didn’t feel well and had pain all day every day. Stiffness was my new best friend and I didn’t like that at all. But it was those few little words that changed my life.

The reason Cole asks us to contemplate this little spark of wisdom is to show that we have more power than we know. Many of us tumble through life being a victim of circumstance, not realizing the only true reality is that you are the only one that has the power to control your life and you do it through your choices. Now this is not the fancy charismatic motivational seminar that hypes you up emotionally only to leave you crashing a short time later. This is a principle. It is like Newton’s Law on gravity. We don’t often think of principles such as this being that finite. But, yes they are.

By taking responsibility for the choices we have made, we gain the power to make different choices. In making these different choices we can change anything we want about our life. Yes, anything and that goes if you are even bedridden dying of cancer. You can choose your attitude, your level of happiness and yes even the very activities you do every day. Some will be hard others maybe a little easier.

So, as I took a catalogue of my choices, such as choosing to be sick, I decided that I had nothing to lose in choosing to be well. I set out on my journey and found a wonderful doctor that changed my medications and sent me to therapy which included swimming in a pool that was 92 degrees. It was really rough at first. My body got worse before it got better. Eventually I was able to return to work and chose to do something that I wouldn’t have normally done; I got my real estate license. I had a blast at that job and had the best boss in the world. Everyone I worked with was fabulous, upbeat and helpful.

This is what I would like you to think about, “if you don’t like your life, change your choices”. That one is a freebie. You didn’t even have to buy the book to get it. I do recommend this book highly as well as many others, which I will write to you about in time.
Get a piece of paper and write down everything you don’t like about your life. Leave room between each one, because you need to evaluate your life and figure out exactly what choices are leading to that particular aspect of your life that you want to change.

Next, pick one. You can only work on one at a time. Write down the choice or choices you are going to make to change that aspect of your life. I would write down no more than three choices and only work on one at a time. Adopt a new saying or quote that can energize you and help you to feel strong about that choice. I used this one, “I chose to have good health, success and prosperity”. I wrote that on a card and read it over and over every day. I achieved good health, success and prosperity and that is a true story.

Happiness, as we saw from yesterday’s article is a lifestyle, a frame of mind. It is fully under our control. Honestly I don’t believe we can afford to allow happiness to be only a moment in time linked to a situation or circumstance. I think that we do have levels of happiness, but choosing to remain peaceful and full of joy even when our life has taken a dump can be the very thing that carries us back to the top.

True happiness takes work. It costs you however much time and attention you are willing to give it, but as far as money goes it is FREE!!! Now, I think that’s good news.